This is my first blog since learning of my NASH disease (diagnosed 1 year ago) is stage 4 cirrhosis. It always has been stage 4…I didn’t progress from 1 to 2 to 3 to 4– I was diagnosed in 2014 at stage 4. I just didn’t know it until last week- one year later, (that’s another blog in an of itself about medical professionals who gloss things over and don’t tell you the whole story.) Thanks to the full honesty and disclosure of my new specialist, the shock I should have had a year ago - I’m just experiencing right now.
I’m in this weird in-between place with my health. It’s the irony of knowing that this diagnosis is really bad --but everything is working right now and I am feeling well. It’s the full comprehension that things will inevitably get really bad but not knowing whether that will be in 1 year or 3 or 10?
This in-between place is somewhere between pissed off and confused as hell with a little dash of why me.
Those who live with a terminal disease or chronic illness- understand this well.
I hate it.
It sucks.
Feeling like this doesn’t mean I’m not strong. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a positive attitude.
It means that I hate this news. I hate the uncertainty of this disease and all of it completely sucks.
That is all.
I’m in this weird in-between place with my health. It’s the irony of knowing that this diagnosis is really bad --but everything is working right now and I am feeling well. It’s the full comprehension that things will inevitably get really bad but not knowing whether that will be in 1 year or 3 or 10?
This in-between place is somewhere between pissed off and confused as hell with a little dash of why me.
Those who live with a terminal disease or chronic illness- understand this well.
I hate it.
It sucks.
Feeling like this doesn’t mean I’m not strong. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a positive attitude.
It means that I hate this news. I hate the uncertainty of this disease and all of it completely sucks.
That is all.
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